My disorder has killed everything about me. I lost the love of my life. I ruined my college career. I lost all of my friends and then some. I hate what this has made me and I hate that I can’t stop it. Everyone thinks I’m a terrible person when in reality I can’t control the things I do. I just wish everyone understood that. I just want to be a normal person, I don’t even want to be happy. I want to be able to function like everyone else and I don’t know if that’s ever going to be possible. I’m terrified that instead of restarting my senior year I’m going to end up in the hospital again because that’s the only place I feel safe. I just want to start living my life again. I need help and there’s no one there to help me.
Edit: And the most hysterical website I’ve ever been on.
Remember the moment you know exactly where you’re going,
‘Cause the next moment, before you know it, time is slowing and it’s frozen still,
And the window sill looks really nice, right?
You think twice about your life, it probably happens at night, right?
Fight it, take the pain, ignite it,
Tie a noose around your mind loose enough to breathe fine and tie it to a tree,
Tell it, “You belong to me,
This ain’t a noose, this is a leash,
I have news for you, you must obey me.”
Every day I think to myself that I’ve never felt more alone in my entire life and every day it gets worse. Something needs to start looking up soon because I can’t take much more of this.
No more tears, my heart is dry,
I don’t laugh and I don’t cry,
I don’t think about you all the time,
But when I do, I wonder why.
One day baby, we’ll be old.
Oh baby, we’ll be old.
And think of all the stories that we could have told.
